I thank G-d that I was able to find my wife and marry her at a relatively young age. Thank G-d I didn't have to look so far and didn't have to struggle through the dating scene/singles scene/shidduch scene what have you. While I did do a little formal blind dating (not through a third party and in a hotel lobby,) I met why wife on my own. Therefore, I can't say I have a great deal of exposure to the formal dating or shidduch world, but I know people who are part of it and who have been part of it for a long time. (I have a friend who recently went out with girl number 93.) I know many people as well who met their spouses through other means and are happy as well.
What bothers me is criticism. Kind of hypocritical being that I am about to write a criticism. In any event, as I said, I know met people who met through many different methods. I am exposed, have friends, and are related to people with different backgrounds and religious observance. I get very frustrated when conversation comes up criticizing dating methods of other people.
While criticism is healthy (constructive criticism, for example,) I think it is unhealthy when discussing a situation in which you have minimal or no experience. For example, I think there is a strong amount of criticism of people who are not in the 'yeshivish' or more Orthodox circles of people who shidduch date. I often hear comments of
"How can he or she really get to know the person" or
"How can you really know what the person is going to be like from drinking a coke in a hotel lobby" or
"This is not a good format for people to meet."
In particular, I get bothered when people say:
"How could they have only dated for 1 month or 2 months."
On the flip side, more 'frum' people often say comments such as
"Why do they need to date so long"
"Why do they need to get engaged so long"
I think people need to chill out just a little bit. I think people need to stop saying comments such as:
"It's ridiculous that they got engaged after 6 weeks" or
"What are they waiting for?"
People just have to accept that different people have different priorities, standards, and requirements for what they want in a spouse. People come from different backgrounds and are exposed to different things. Although I don't have the statistics, my guess is that the divorce rate is much lower in Orthodox Jewish circles than in the overall population. So, as a whole, we must be doing something right.
It's time to be a little bit less judgmental of what other people need to do regarding dating to find their spouse. (Dating just to hang out is a different situation and beyond the scope. I happen to view it as pointless for an Orthodox Jew who would like to observe all the halachos)
Each person should do what makes them feel comfortable (which is hard considering the strong pressure within their groups at times.) Everybody grew up with different standards and everybody lives a different way and will need to apply different methods to deciding who is right for them.
Uh Oh!!! Gotta get ready for Shabbos. Have a good shabbos/Shabbat Shalom!!!
What bothers me is criticism. Kind of hypocritical being that I am about to write a criticism. In any event, as I said, I know met people who met through many different methods. I am exposed, have friends, and are related to people with different backgrounds and religious observance. I get very frustrated when conversation comes up criticizing dating methods of other people.
While criticism is healthy (constructive criticism, for example,) I think it is unhealthy when discussing a situation in which you have minimal or no experience. For example, I think there is a strong amount of criticism of people who are not in the 'yeshivish' or more Orthodox circles of people who shidduch date. I often hear comments of
"How can he or she really get to know the person" or
"How can you really know what the person is going to be like from drinking a coke in a hotel lobby" or
"This is not a good format for people to meet."
In particular, I get bothered when people say:
"How could they have only dated for 1 month or 2 months."
On the flip side, more 'frum' people often say comments such as
"Why do they need to date so long"
"Why do they need to get engaged so long"
I think people need to chill out just a little bit. I think people need to stop saying comments such as:
"It's ridiculous that they got engaged after 6 weeks" or
"What are they waiting for?"
People just have to accept that different people have different priorities, standards, and requirements for what they want in a spouse. People come from different backgrounds and are exposed to different things. Although I don't have the statistics, my guess is that the divorce rate is much lower in Orthodox Jewish circles than in the overall population. So, as a whole, we must be doing something right.
It's time to be a little bit less judgmental of what other people need to do regarding dating to find their spouse. (Dating just to hang out is a different situation and beyond the scope. I happen to view it as pointless for an Orthodox Jew who would like to observe all the halachos)
Each person should do what makes them feel comfortable (which is hard considering the strong pressure within their groups at times.) Everybody grew up with different standards and everybody lives a different way and will need to apply different methods to deciding who is right for them.
Uh Oh!!! Gotta get ready for Shabbos. Have a good shabbos/Shabbat Shalom!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment